Sitting down and making a comment on the program feels a bit like your lead in: tenuous. I have made a few starts and stops. There is just so much to be said on this subject. First, thank you for starting a public discourse about the need to acknowledge the very real negative affects that modern feminist dogma is having on men, especially the ones coming of age in the auspice of heightened digital consciousness. The social restructuring that happened with COVID ushered a whole generation of children into an new way of relating with each other and the world around them. I have been a direct witness and it is quite startling. The backbone of feminism's finest marketing strategy promises equality under the misguided quest for power while in actuality, it bares an unequivocal victim consciousness. Think Animal Farm. Equality (consent built on standards) is not actually what is needed, it is balance (desire built on self trust). I am also reminded of something my friend Byron Katie said: "a victim is a very dangerous person."
One of the things that you mentioned is the importance of initiation in the context of seeking a first sexual experience with an older or more experienced friend. This mom of a young man is all thumbs up. In regards to a traditional concept of initiation into adulthood, there are no clear ones for young men anymore. Young women have it built into their biology by virtue of bleeding. Pretty clear. Something is different now. James Hillman wrote extensively about the value of traditional mentorships in "The Soul's Code". I have sought out opportunities with many men in my community to mentor my son. Ultimately, what I mean by that is to befriend my son. A few men stepped up a little here and there, but mostly the reaction that I get is a "backing up slowly exit stage left" deal.
One of the larger themes through out this discussion, and a major part of the head fuck of politicizing sex for everybody, is in respect to privacy. As a mother of a young man I appreciate the idea of encouraging young men to "hold their cards close to their vest" regarding their sexual life. In this commitment the respect extended to a playmate is as much a part of the sacred reverence to sex as it is a self respecting promise. Integrity is always its own reward and sure doesn’t rape anybody either.
Patience isn't always easy in the face of desire. I am also assuming it isn't always super cool to talk to your Mom about sex either. One fact that cannot be belabored is the modern coming of age is harrowing at best, with much more aloneness and loneliness and confusion than the one I experienced when I was 16 in 1988. Adults these days are unable to speak to this cataclysmic shift in the same way this generation cannot fathom what life was like before constant device influence. No concept or reference point coming or going. My son is a private hearted guy and we have a limited (on his insistence!) repertoire about sex. He has however expressed genuine confusion about girls using the phrase toxic masculinity in conversations. I try to employ the phrase positive masculinity like a tasteful drum fill when appropriate and have been thrilled to support his self led drive to learn Boxing. We did have what he might consider "the talk" that was necessitated by an accidental porno sighting over his shoulder on his desktop screen. Speaking of privacy, I ALWAYS knock on his door and wait for him to invite me in, so that was his bad. Some of the things I said to my son are in the accompany booklet: About Sex: Suggestions & Ideas for Young Men. I am going to print off the document and pass it along to my young guy. It’s full of all the things I would gladly welcome a mature, kind and respectful male friend to say to my budding young man. Thanks for inviting my participation, Eric (and Nadine & Iva!). I will keep you abreast of any feedback. Don't hold your breath.
<< Aren't we supposed to be having fun here? Which is why I cringe a little when you begin that wonderful bit about scent by implying that a gal on the pill is "looking for action". They have a pregnancy plan. What's wrong with that, Coppolino? >>
Merrie,
By pregnancy plan, I mean what to do IF there is an unwanted pregnancy. Being on the pill is supposedly pregnancy prevention.
In my pregnancy prevention guidelines, everyone brings something to the table. It’s a two-party effort. This is something different.
In a pregnancy plan, the question would be: what if the girl has a hormone IUD and there is a pregnancy? What are the chances of complications and birth defects? How is that handed?
A pregnancy plan is: what would your parents try to make you do if you got pregnant? Would you be more inclined to have the child, or not?
Personally I prefer “slut” types of women — those who are looking for fun, who have multiple partners, and whose primary intent is experience and not attachment. I usually prefer the company of sexworkers to “ordinary” women.
So there is no way I’m going to be judging that. I am that person and I love being that person (despite my ardent loyalty).
But the whole point of my essay is that we are in special times when a young man can end up on probation or serving prison time for a date. I know one personally — one of the sweetest young guys I’ve ever met, serving two years for meeting a young woman at a bar in New Paltz. She was under age. That he only got two years probation and not 10 years hard time is that the prosecutors understood what had occurred.
Further, how exactly do we know she’s telling the truth about birth control? I have not said enough about women looking for a sperm donor and not admitting so (i.e., secretly out to get pregnant), which Larry Allen correctly categorizes as a form of rape. If she has the kid, the man is are on the hook for supporting she and it for 20 years.
Since every other fact of the sexual experience seems to have been turned into a weapon (by feminism, pushed on girls, made easy due to victim culture), it’s my assessment that ANY stage in the sexual setup is potentially a trap and must be treated as such until the probability is reduced to highly unlikely.
Very interesting essay. These young men have so much to consider when sex is so available as in Tinder. I always told my son, now 21, have her text you what she wants to “do”. At least it’s in writing.
Sitting down and making a comment on the program feels a bit like your lead in: tenuous. I have made a few starts and stops. There is just so much to be said on this subject. First, thank you for starting a public discourse about the need to acknowledge the very real negative affects that modern feminist dogma is having on men, especially the ones coming of age in the auspice of heightened digital consciousness. The social restructuring that happened with COVID ushered a whole generation of children into an new way of relating with each other and the world around them. I have been a direct witness and it is quite startling. The backbone of feminism's finest marketing strategy promises equality under the misguided quest for power while in actuality, it bares an unequivocal victim consciousness. Think Animal Farm. Equality (consent built on standards) is not actually what is needed, it is balance (desire built on self trust). I am also reminded of something my friend Byron Katie said: "a victim is a very dangerous person."
One of the things that you mentioned is the importance of initiation in the context of seeking a first sexual experience with an older or more experienced friend. This mom of a young man is all thumbs up. In regards to a traditional concept of initiation into adulthood, there are no clear ones for young men anymore. Young women have it built into their biology by virtue of bleeding. Pretty clear. Something is different now. James Hillman wrote extensively about the value of traditional mentorships in "The Soul's Code". I have sought out opportunities with many men in my community to mentor my son. Ultimately, what I mean by that is to befriend my son. A few men stepped up a little here and there, but mostly the reaction that I get is a "backing up slowly exit stage left" deal.
One of the larger themes through out this discussion, and a major part of the head fuck of politicizing sex for everybody, is in respect to privacy. As a mother of a young man I appreciate the idea of encouraging young men to "hold their cards close to their vest" regarding their sexual life. In this commitment the respect extended to a playmate is as much a part of the sacred reverence to sex as it is a self respecting promise. Integrity is always its own reward and sure doesn’t rape anybody either.
Patience isn't always easy in the face of desire. I am also assuming it isn't always super cool to talk to your Mom about sex either. One fact that cannot be belabored is the modern coming of age is harrowing at best, with much more aloneness and loneliness and confusion than the one I experienced when I was 16 in 1988. Adults these days are unable to speak to this cataclysmic shift in the same way this generation cannot fathom what life was like before constant device influence. No concept or reference point coming or going. My son is a private hearted guy and we have a limited (on his insistence!) repertoire about sex. He has however expressed genuine confusion about girls using the phrase toxic masculinity in conversations. I try to employ the phrase positive masculinity like a tasteful drum fill when appropriate and have been thrilled to support his self led drive to learn Boxing. We did have what he might consider "the talk" that was necessitated by an accidental porno sighting over his shoulder on his desktop screen. Speaking of privacy, I ALWAYS knock on his door and wait for him to invite me in, so that was his bad. Some of the things I said to my son are in the accompany booklet: About Sex: Suggestions & Ideas for Young Men. I am going to print off the document and pass it along to my young guy. It’s full of all the things I would gladly welcome a mature, kind and respectful male friend to say to my budding young man. Thanks for inviting my participation, Eric (and Nadine & Iva!). I will keep you abreast of any feedback. Don't hold your breath.
<< Aren't we supposed to be having fun here? Which is why I cringe a little when you begin that wonderful bit about scent by implying that a gal on the pill is "looking for action". They have a pregnancy plan. What's wrong with that, Coppolino? >>
Merrie,
By pregnancy plan, I mean what to do IF there is an unwanted pregnancy. Being on the pill is supposedly pregnancy prevention.
In my pregnancy prevention guidelines, everyone brings something to the table. It’s a two-party effort. This is something different.
In a pregnancy plan, the question would be: what if the girl has a hormone IUD and there is a pregnancy? What are the chances of complications and birth defects? How is that handed?
A pregnancy plan is: what would your parents try to make you do if you got pregnant? Would you be more inclined to have the child, or not?
efc
Personally I prefer “slut” types of women — those who are looking for fun, who have multiple partners, and whose primary intent is experience and not attachment. I usually prefer the company of sexworkers to “ordinary” women.
So there is no way I’m going to be judging that. I am that person and I love being that person (despite my ardent loyalty).
But the whole point of my essay is that we are in special times when a young man can end up on probation or serving prison time for a date. I know one personally — one of the sweetest young guys I’ve ever met, serving two years for meeting a young woman at a bar in New Paltz. She was under age. That he only got two years probation and not 10 years hard time is that the prosecutors understood what had occurred.
Further, how exactly do we know she’s telling the truth about birth control? I have not said enough about women looking for a sperm donor and not admitting so (i.e., secretly out to get pregnant), which Larry Allen correctly categorizes as a form of rape. If she has the kid, the man is are on the hook for supporting she and it for 20 years.
Since every other fact of the sexual experience seems to have been turned into a weapon (by feminism, pushed on girls, made easy due to victim culture), it’s my assessment that ANY stage in the sexual setup is potentially a trap and must be treated as such until the probability is reduced to highly unlikely.
Very interesting essay. These young men have so much to consider when sex is so available as in Tinder. I always told my son, now 21, have her text you what she wants to “do”. At least it’s in writing.
yep I agree with that strategy, though a Venmo receipt would be better.