Swallow your coffee first: 'covid'-era satires from Planet Waves
Swallow your coffee first: 'covid'-era satires from Planet Waves
The 'covid' era has been too rich for words — but we've found a few. When crisis strikes, the time is right to make fun of it.
Good morning from New York —
OK, I think this is all of them, finally, in one place…
When the “pandemic” struck, the first thing I did was convene an investigative team — one of many in the history of Planet Waves. But it was impossible to miss the absurdity of what was going on, even as the entire internet turned into a fusion of the obituary section and The Stand by Stephen King — a fantastic work of fiction.
Dancing nurses, New York’s Cuomo Andrew Cuomo saying we need vents, vents vents, the local health food store arresting people for not wearing a “mask,” and on and on. On April 1, 2020, I issued my shortest-ever prank:
Some things made fun of themselves. Below the girl blowing deadly kisses is the response (in a photo) of someone claiming to have a postdoc from Standord University in molecular biology (meaning, science fiction, but not written as well), who had applied to be an assistant editor of Covid19 News, the world’s first ‘covid’ publication.
So this guy applies for the job, with all kinds of ‘scientific credentials’, and in response, I asked him to tell me about about the primers being used for the PCR — a big issue. A core scientific issue. This question is the equivalent of asking someone who claims to be a baseball player the definition of beer.
His response was to declare me a retard and tell me to fuck off. And that about sums up the attitude of scientists toward we, the plebes. That is what happened and is still happening.
Below that glorious image (email taped to an 1895 Ulster County map, from before the Ashokan Reservoir was finished in 1912) are a series of older covid satires from the Covid19 News days, and below that are several from the Substack days.
There are two audios of note: one is Vaxaholics Anonymous, directed by me at a lovely little brunch party in Accord, N.Y., attended by no less than Mark Crispin Miller, Celia Farber and friends, hosted by sister Bibi Farber. I happened to have my digital recorder…and was just driving by…
The other audio, true but a self-satire, is me working 8th Ave. outside Madison Square Garden on June 21, 2021, interviewing people going into the first all-vaxxed show, featuring the Foo Fighters — that tragic tale. Listen to them go.
Bottom line is, Planet Waves was not taking any shit. Nor are we today.
PS — where does this all end? But of course — a false flag UFO invasion.
PPS — don’t miss my exclusive interview with the virus.
PPPS — don’t miss my super exclusive interview with Rob Brezsny.
PPPPS — speaking of Brezsny, here is Free Pill Astrology, from April 1, 2021 — Your Official Covid Horoscope, feat. Stevie Florist, who is actually a florist.
OK I think I got them all…
With love from your friendly neighborhood astrologer,
CDC advises dead people to wear masks
CDC Officials Urge Americans to ‘Get an Injection, Any Injection’ to Prevent Covid
BREAKING — Meteorite hits California barbecue where everyone was social distancing and wearing masks
Biden promises that if elected, all Americans will have to shove a mask up their ass
Trump promises Americans they will be peed on by three beautiful Russian girls if he is reelected
BREAKING — CDC issues emergency guidance against blowing kisses
A Meeting of Vaxaholics Anonymous feat. Mark Crispin Miller and Celia Farber. Yes, this actually happened one Sunday morning here in upstate N.Y.
(Real but seems like satire) Interviews with vaccine victims in line for Foo Fighters outside MSG, June 2021
Besides being friends, Ben Garrison and I have one thing in common: we both read MAD Magazine as kids. When I saw his work, I knew in a glance, and I wrote to him to introduce myself. He wrote back:
Ben Garrision All-Time Classic
I hadn’t heard that clip outside of MSG before- I was so fucking cancelled in my town because I didn't get an injection. I made a FB posted that vaxx cards for public places was discrimination. People, many “friends”, mutilated me in the comments. One gal I went to high school with wrote in all caps she hoped I was NEVER allowed to play music in this town again. I was literally asked not to attend house shows where I was always revered and respected and welcome. I asked the same questions about “what was the point of a shot if” and got similar answers. Just stunning, the “logic”.
Thanks for getting all the laughs in one place! I, for one, appreciate the levity to these painful topics and memories. As my pal Byron Katie likes to say “there are no mistakes. There is nothing that does not serve” to grow us.
Things were so absurd at the time when blowing kisses was outlawed, that I actually believed it for a split second. I'll never forget that and its a good barometer for the insanity of the times