Swallow your coffee first: 'covid'-era satires from Planet Waves

The 'covid' era has been too rich for words — but we've found a few. When crisis strikes, the time is right to make fun of it.

Do you have a vaccine problem? We can help.

Good morning from New York —

OK, I think this is all of them, finally, in one place…

When the “pandemic” struck, the first thing I did was convene an investigative team — one of many in the history of Planet Waves. But it was impossible to miss the absurdity of what was going on, even as the entire internet turned into a fusion of the obituary section and The Stand by Stephen King — a fantastic work of fiction.

Dancing nurses, New York’s Cuomo Andrew Cuomo saying we need vents, vents vents, the local health food store arresting people for not wearing a “mask,” and on and on. On April 1, 2020, I issued my shortest-ever prank:

Note, I had no clue about Event 201 at this time.

Some things made fun of themselves. Below the girl blowing deadly kisses is the response (in a photo) of someone claiming to have a postdoc from Standord University in molecular biology (meaning, science fiction, but not written as well), who had applied to be an assistant editor of Covid19 News, the world’s first ‘covid’ publication.

So this guy applies for the job, with all kinds of ‘scientific credentials’, and in response, I asked him to tell me about about the primers being used for the PCR — a big issue. A core scientific issue. This question is the equivalent of asking someone who claims to be a baseball player the definition of beer.

His response was to declare me a retard and tell me to fuck off. And that about sums up the attitude of scientists toward we, the plebes. That is what happened and is still happening.

CDC — Blowing Kisses is Deadly

Below that glorious image (email taped to an 1895 Ulster County map, from before the Ashokan Reservoir was finished in 1912) are a series of older covid satires from the Covid19 News days, and below that are several from the Substack days. .

There are two audios of note: one is Vaxaholics Anonymous, directed by me at a lovely little brunch party in Accord, N.Y., attended by no less than Mark Crispin Miller, Celia Farber and friends, hosted by sister Bibi Farber. I happened to have my digital recorder…and was just driving by…

The other audio, true but a self-satire, is me working 8th Ave. outside Madison Square Garden on June 21, 2021, interviewing people going into the first all-vaxxed show, featuring the Foo Fighters — that tragic tale. Listen to them go.

Bottom line is, Planet Waves was not taking any shit. Nor are we today.

PS — where does this all end? But of course — a false flag UFO invasion.

PPS — don’t miss my exclusive interview with the virus.

PPPS — don’t miss my super exclusive interview with Rob Brezsny.

PPPPS — speaking of Brezsny, here is Free Pill Astrology, from April 1, 2021 — Your Official Covid Horoscope, feat. Stevie Florist, who is actually a florist.

PPPPPS — This is not a joke.

OK I think I got them all…

With love from your friendly neighborhood astrologer,

This was an actual reply to a Craig’s List ad seeking an assistant editor for Covid19 News, the first daily covid publication, founded by your friendly neighborhood astrologers at Planet Waves. I R A Retard! This is still hanging where my plants can see it.

CDC advises dead people to wear masks

CDC Officials Urge Americans to ‘Get an Injection, Any Injection’ to Prevent Covid

BREAKING — Meteorite hits California barbecue where everyone was social distancing and wearing masks

Biden promises that if elected, all Americans will have to shove a mask up their ass

Trump promises Americans they will be peed on by three beautiful Russian girls if he is reelected

BREAKING — CDC issues emergency guidance against blowing kisses

A Meeting of Vaxaholics Anonymous feat. Mark Crispin Miller and Celia Farber. Yes, this actually happened one Sunday morning here in upstate N.Y.

(Real but seems like satire) Interviews with vaccine victims in line for Foo Fighters outside MSG, June 2021

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Such a nice boy

An open apology to Anthony Fauci

FDA approves AstroZeneca shot for space aliens

Besides being friends, Ben Garrison and I have one thing in common: we both read MAD Magazine as kids. When I saw his work, I knew in a glance, and I wrote to him to introduce myself. He wrote back:

Ben Garrision All-Time Classic